Since twitter can only hold 140 characters and i dont wanna keep spamming everyone's feed with my useless vent about my messed up feelings, i am blogging about it. I'll try to blog about it like an advice thing but yes. Whatever.
Here goes nothing.
So lately, I have been bothered by the thought of you coming back to my life. I dont know why but it just hit me.
You know, like what if that person who broke your heart, the person who molded you to become who you are right now, anti-social and socially scared, the person who hurt you and made you scared to fall in love again, what if that person decided to come back? How would you feel?
Personally, I am pretty lost atm. Idk. But one thing's for sure, i have the same feelings towards you since day 1. You may not know this only because I'd prefer you dont. I havent confessed anything. I wouldnt want to waste my time on something that I know would never happen. Although, I feel like something's gonna happen, I somehow feel like its not gonna happen.
You know lately, i check my twitter, even though I know you dont have a twitter acct, hoping that you'd tweet me, my facebook every now and then hoping to see a wall post or a private message, sometimes my phone, hoping that you still have my number, idk you know maybe txt me how im doing. Sometimes, i wish that you'd be outside my house in the middle of the night, just like the old times. I was kinda hoping that i'd see you around malls sometimes. But then again, one of my greatest fear is seeing you out and about with someone else. I dont think i'd be able to handle that. Thinking about already makes me depressed. Idk how i would manage seeing it for myself. It happened before and I died a little inside. Even so, i wont be able to handle that thought. If that ever happens, i think ill move out of auckland, go somewhere far away to completely forget about you.
And when that happens, i dont even want to have any connections from auckland apart from my family. I just wanna disappear and forget about everything. And maybe in 10 years time, i would look at you and i wouldnt feel a thing.
There was this saying that I heard from somewhere.
"Its easy to forgive but its hard to forget.."
I've forgiven you. Not just you but everyone else who have hurt me in the past. But it is certainly not easy to forget. Until now, idk. Im still hurt. Im scared to love again. I hate the thought of being inlove with someone else.
If I do get a boyfriend in the future, I'll make sure he's the last. I trust in God that he will not let anyone hurt me again.
And for now, I will just wait, because true love waits.
I waited before. Now im just waiting for my feelings to fade this time. It will take some time I know, but I will be okay.
We barely even talk. How dare some people assume that were gonna be back together.
I hate it when people give me false hope. I appreciate the fact that they care about me and my dumb feelings, but they dont need to give me false hope.
I am really easy to read, so if y'all know who im talking about then yes. Its him. Theres one two choices. Its up to you to find out who im talking about. I really jope he doesnt read my blog otherwise im screwed.
Honeslty though, true love never fades. Its been a while.
Love lots,
Nina <3
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